


Bestiality Guaranteed (Or Your Money Back)

by Grand_Phoenix



Category: Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon | Pretty Guardian Sailor Moon, 神無月の巫女 | Kannazuki no Miko | Destiny of the Shrine Maiden
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Early Work, F/F, Fluff, Himeko Reborn As Usagi, Humor, Parody, Reincarnation, Sailor Moon Classic, and Chikane Reborn As That Cat From Outer Space, but let's hope Chikane gets that human form in the future kids, no bestiality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 15:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17368640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grand_Phoenix/pseuds/Grand_Phoenix
Summary: Reincarnation has its pros and cons, but this? This was going to take some getting used to. [Tribute fic to the Viz dub]





	Bestiality Guaranteed (Or Your Money Back)

**Author's Note:**

> This is an old fic I did to commemorate the announcement of the Sailor Moon redub way back in 2014 (and indeed, Fanfiction.net lists the original publication date as July 14, 2014). As Stephanie Sheh and Michelle Ruff were fulfilling the roles of Usagi and Luna respectively, I was - and still unable - to take the show seriously anymore, having watched and be familiar with the English dub of _Kannazuki no Miko_ in 2011, three years after writing _Agony_.
> 
> I have thought to do continuations of this particular piece but never got around to it. I like to think Chikane _would_ eventually get around to procuring her own human body that's a mash of KnM, _Kyoshiro to Towa no Sora_ , and _Zettai Shoujo Seiiki Amnesian_ , somewhere around as early as Usagi/Himeko learning she is - kind of? sort of? - the fabled Moon Princess (because reincarnation and prophecies are serious business; Pluto would have such a headache over this peculiar conundrum!) and as late as _Sailor Moon S: Hearts in Ice_. The only other idea I could think of was having Souma come back as Mamoru/Endymion and Chikane/Luna probably having a conniption fit over it (because Chibiusa and Kousagi), but that's about the extent of any future development (and I haven't watched KnM in literal dog years until I dreamed of it two nights ago, so My Mileage May Vary on her reaction, who knows). However, knowing Usagi, the endgame would pretty much be OT3, all things considered.

"This is unfair," Luna grumbled, glaring at the praying mantis lounging on the windowsill. It cocked its head this way and that, carefree and standing there for no discernible reason like a praying mantis should.

Usagi sighed and set the pencil down next to her homework. She didn't really want to do it—math was so hard and full of numbers and letters that didn't make any sense! But she was bored and Luna had insisted on getting it done, and so she had resigned herself to her fate. "Chikane…."

"No, really, this is so unfair. You get reincarnated into a family that looks nothing like you (because either one of your so-called parents has a recessive gene or you're not their child!)." She lifted her head and directed her glare to the skyline, beyond the horizon, beyond Earth, across the universe. "Me? I come back as a cat. _A CAT. From outer space._ "

"Chikane, we've been over this already. Like, uh," Usagi ticked off her fingers. "Wow, ten times. This really must be fate!"

"It doesn't change the fact that loving you now constitutes as bestiality!" exclaimed Luna, and suddenly sneezed only a cat can make. She licked a paw and wiped her face, sniffling. "The things I did for you, and this is what I get. Maybe I deserve this."

"Don't say that! I mean, yeah we came back as different people…but hey! At least we're together again! Right?"

Luna shook her head. "It's not the same. We were together for a long time. We did things for each other. We did things _to_ each other! And just like that we die and come back only to forget."

"Look at it this way: the last time we saw each other, it was in the middle of a street. And we met again on a street! Not a busy street, but still a street!"

"Even as a slacker, you still retain your optimism. I wish I could feel the same way, but I just can't." Her eyes bore into the mantis. The mantis took two tiny steps forward, twitched its elongated forelegs, and blinked. Just like a praying mantis should.

"Everything will be alright once we find the Moon Princess," said Usagi. "I'd really like to meet her, so let's focus on that and make sure Queen Beryl and the others don't get to her!"

"Yeah." Luna squared her shoulders, bunched the muscles in her hind legs.

Usagi looked between her and the praying mantis. "Do you think you can get that?"

"I can try. I can probably jump as high as a cat like I did as a shrine maiden. The physiological gap between human and feline forms can't be too different." She stared down the mantis. The mantis clicked its mandibles and moved its front legs in little nonsense circles. A ray of sunlight fought its way through the cloud blocking it and shined on her eyes, narrowing the pupils.

Usagi held her breath.

Somewhere, some place, someone honked their car horn. A dog barked.

Luna pounced, claws out and flashing. The praying mantis jumped and took flight, and Luna sailed over the window. _"Oh shitshitshitshitSHIT!"_ Paws scrambling for purchase she slipped, rolled down the shingled roof, and fell.

Usagi winced as she heard the cat land with a metallic crash. She leaned out and saw the trash can on its side, the lid sticking out at a haphazard angle. "Are you okay?" she called down.

There was the faint sound of sobbing. _"Divine punishment, Himeko!"_ Luna wailed. _"This. Is. Punishment!"_

Usagi sighed and covered her face with a palm. This…was going to take some getting used to.


End file.
